God. Dammit.

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 06/11/2015 at 14:25 • Filed to: None

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My key died. I don’t have the tools or skills to replace the battery myself. Dealership says they won’t fix it because the battery is supposed to be a “lifetime” part and that the best they can do is a whole new key for $200.

MR2_FTW - Group J's resident Stig > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:27

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The Dummy Gummy > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:29

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I was going to send you a youtube video to show you how to change the battery, but then I came across the most useless ‘help/instructional’ video of all time

The Dummy Gummy > The Dummy Gummy 06/11/2015 at 14:29

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Here you go:

FrankAtlanta > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:30

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You (they) gotta be kidding………..

Unfortunately, similar to the sliminess the BMW dealership recently tried to pull with my wife. We’re in the market right now and this behavior has swayed us to other products...

spanfucker retire bitch > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:30

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Dealership says they won’t fix it because the battery is supposed to be a “lifetime” part and that the best they can do is a whole new key for $200.

The fuck kind of bullshit reasoning is that?

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:30

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But if it's a "lifetime part" and it failed, shouldn't they replace that? What am I missing here?

mXxxxXm24 /O/ /O/ > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:31

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Unlock your car by sticking the key into the lock and turning... Problem solved.

Steve in Manhattan > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:34

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Glad to see others giving you workarounds. And I think you have proved that the battery isn’t exactly a lifetime part. Unless they can prove your hobby is sitting on your porch and locking and unlocking the car for hours on end, they should help you. But, of course, it’s BMW.

Party-vi > spanfucker retire bitch 06/11/2015 at 14:35

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The same reasoning why the dealer won’t service your automatic transmission.

Tripper > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:36

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As far as I know a new key is the only option. Both of the keys to my E46 are dead, one because of age, and one because of dog. I’m not quite sure what type of rechargeable resides in the case, but I’m pretty sure that you’re going to spend $200 or your going to spend $200 worth of aggravation trying to replace the battery. Also if you buy it from the stealer, you can rest assured that there will be no problems with programming etc.

At one point I bought a “BMW” key off of ebay, had it cut and programmed. The buttons on the remote never worked and my drivers window dropped whenever I used the key in the door...

Weirdly enough my E90 has the “comfort access” system, but the battery is not rechargeable, just pop off the back and put in a new CR2035 or whatever it is.

spanfucker retire bitch > Party-vi 06/11/2015 at 14:38

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Define “service” because they most certainly will do fluid flushes.

Tripper > spanfucker retire bitch 06/11/2015 at 14:38

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No dealer of any kind is going to replace a “smart key” in a 10+ year old car.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 06/11/2015 at 14:38

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Lifetime meaning “meant to last the lifetime of the vehicle” not “lifetime guaranteed”.

Party-vi > spanfucker retire bitch 06/11/2015 at 14:39

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BMW of Annapolis refused to flush or even change my transmission fluid. They said it was a lifetime fluid and they did not recommend it on an automatic-equipped vehicle.

spanfucker retire bitch > Party-vi 06/11/2015 at 14:40

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Oh, you mean a BMW dealer. Gotchya. Because I know for a fact that VAG for example recommends a transmission flush on their DSGs after 50 or 60 thousand miles, and the dealership does do that.

I should check if it’s in my Mazda’s service manual as well...

Party-vi > spanfucker retire bitch 06/11/2015 at 14:42

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Yeah. They’re worried a flush will jar something loose and then they’ll be responsible for replacing your trans.

spanfucker retire bitch > Party-vi 06/11/2015 at 14:43

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Well that’s bull poopy. I’d never heard of a dealership refusing to flush the fluids of an autobox before.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > mXxxxXm24 /O/ /O/ 06/11/2015 at 14:44

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Go away.

Party-vi > spanfucker retire bitch 06/11/2015 at 14:44

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BMW’s reasoning is it’s a lifetime fluid (aka 100,000 miles) and you should just get another car.

Ilike_cougars > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:44

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BMW Diamond keys are easy to fix, there are quite a lot of walkthroughs to replace the battery on the tube.. I’d say just order the appropriate battery and do it yourself.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Steve in Manhattan 06/11/2015 at 14:46

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It lasted fifteen years. Is BMW saying they didn’t expect the car to last that long?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Steve in Manhattan 06/11/2015 at 14:46

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It lasted fifteen years. Is BMW saying they didn’t expect the car to last that long?

spanfucker retire bitch > Party-vi 06/11/2015 at 14:48

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I’m surprised they don’t just install a straight-up kill switch when you reach 6-figures.

Bozi Tatarevic > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:52

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You can get the battery with pre-soldered leads from digikey http://www.digikey.com/product-detail…

The replacement process is not too bad. You can pick up a soldering iron for cheap from Harbor Freight. Also before you open it upm try to reinitialize it and see if it gets picked up.

mXxxxXm24 /O/ /O/ > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:52

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;)

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Bozi Tatarevic 06/11/2015 at 14:55

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I have sausage fingers. I cant do sensitive electronic work.

Bozi Tatarevic > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 14:58

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You can always give it a try but if you really don’t want to attempt it, I recommend finding a local computer shop that repairs power adapter connectors on laptops. Take a printout of one of the DIY threads and the new battery and they will probably fix it for $40-50

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 15:01

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But, it still didn’t last the lifetime of the vehicle, did it?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 15:02

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If it’s supposed to be a lifetime part they should fix it for free.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 15:04

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Which means the key should outlast the car. Which it didn’t.

Textured Soy Protein > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 15:23

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More like “meant to last the lifetime of the lease.”

(I drive a leased BMW.)

functionoverfashion > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 15:30

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I’ve replaced those batteries. You don’t need a lot of tools or skills, mostly patience. A utility knife and super glue were my only tools. Maybe a small wire cutter? I can’t remember. There’s a youtube video on it, though. I did NOT solder my new battery into place. It worked fine for about 2 years, and I had to replace again because I didn’t use a rechargeable battery.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Bozi Tatarevic 06/11/2015 at 15:49

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I can almost guarantee you I will find a way to completely ruin the key if I try it myself. I can barely do regular-sized soldering without getting it everywhere, let alone tiny circuit crap.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 15:52

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Or the warranty.

Steve in Manhattan > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 16:58

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I think that of the major German manufacturers, Mercedes is most committed to keeping parts in stock, even for ‘older’ cars. I could have a steering rack for a 600 Pullman here in a few days. But as my apartment is also 600 (square feet) there’s really no room for the rack.

The thing is, these manufacturers know they have you over the proverbial barrel because no one else sells that key, and no one else sells many other parts that fit a 15, 20, 30 year old German car.

Axial > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 22:23

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Fuck. Fobs.

m-b-w loves his SUBAROO > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2015 at 23:40

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Hope this helps.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Party-vi 06/12/2015 at 09:14

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never go back to them again , RUN!! runaway from them.

desertdog5051 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/17/2015 at 19:16

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Look up or call lock shops in your area. I found 2 for people I know who have VW keys, which are the same laser cut key. Don’t know costs, but they were happy enough to buy them over the dealer.